The Mirror
"Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?"
I walk up to my fogged-up mirror
Who is this person staring back at me?
Is she the conventional pretty?
Do her eyes look lackluster,
the sparkle within them dull and absent?
What about her hair?
Is it all knotted, mussed up
with no sense of direction?
Does her skin look speckled,
like she doesn't know of her ailments?
What about her smile?
Do her teeth appear yellowed,
as if something has stained them?
As if something has stained her?
That's how you all see me.
I marvel at the woman before me.
I look at my coal-colored eyes
And see rings of fire within them.
My hair that you think looks matted
holds sparks of electricity,
sparks of creativity.
My speckled skin?
Those are my battle scars.
Years of love, years of hate,
all reflected in my beautiful skin.
And that yellowed smile?
They're not stained at all.
They're at phase two,
predicting the next move of her life.
My world might be fogged,
but as the mirror gets wiped,
a new woman emerges.
I like the way you use the mirror to ground all of your musings about your appearance and the elements that lay beneath it.
ReplyDelete"My hair that you think looks matted. Holds sparks of electricity, Sparks of creativity." - I like the way you are addressing the reader here, guessing what she is thinking.
"I look at my chocolate eyes. And see rings of fire within them." - I like the first part of this, but I would change the second part to have something to do with chocolate to continue this image. Fire seems to come out of nowhere.
I like how you used the first part of the poem to describe "her" physical attributes while 'mirroring' them with her deeper feelings. I thought that was clever.
ReplyDelete"Is she the conventional pretty" has a nice rhyme to it.
"teeth appeared yellowed"- I'm thinking there may be another way to express that, in a more descriptive way.
Same with "yellowed" smile- maybe you can use the word "tarnished" or "dull."
I did not understand what you meant at "phase two." Would love for that to somehow be explained.
Instead of world in the last stanza , why wouldn't it be "mirror," since that's what you started with?
Overall, loved the theme of this poem. Deep & introspectove!
This is a poem about the power of perception and how the images we create of ourselves is what we become. I love the language in the fifth stanza-- rings of electricity, sparks of electricity, good stuff! I would consider making the poem more concise so the powerful language can stand out. For example: And that yellowed smile?
ReplyDeleteThey're not stained at all.
They're at phase two,
predicting the next move of her life.-- I would remove the words "of her life"-- it's implied and then you get a nice end rhyme.
I would also tell a little less-- maybe remove the line "that's how you all see me" and leave just "I marvel at the woman before me" and remove "Who is the person looking back at me?
". When you say that, the tone shift will imply that the audience is getting another perspective.
This poem is very insightful and I enjoyed reading it!
Really enjoyed reading this and think it sheds light on how we should perceive ourselves even if society fails to do so properly. And that yellowed smile?
ReplyDeleteThey're not stained at all.
They're at phase two,
predicting the next move of her life.
really enjoyed reading that line, never heard anything like it and thought it was not only creative but worded perfectly. Thought I loved how you started a line ending it with "And see rings of fire within them." seemed off to me considering the creativity executed in the rest of the poem. I feel like "rings of fire" is something often said to be seen in a person eyes who's a fighter. At the same time, i get the theme of coal colored eyes having rings of fire within them. Maybe use a different adjective initially to describe the eyes to avoid sounding cliche' with "rings of fire". I also wasn't the biggest fan of "thats how you all see me", I didn't see the need for it and would love if "I marvel at the woman before me" could stand on its own. Really loved that line and thought it was incredibly powerful! Loved how sensitive and powerful this poem was all at once. Really made the reader feel the pain, and fight of the character.